Promises Broken 2: Asking Question, Making Choices
by writermarie
Summary: Second in the Series: Everyone has too many questions and none of the right answers


ASKING QUESTIONS, MAKING CHOICES 

**by Marie Rossiter (writermarie2002@yahoo.com)**

**SYNOPSIS: Lots of questions, many answers, few choices… A sequel to the "House Divided" series.**

**DISCLAIMER: As always…these people are not my creation, so I take no credit for them. That credit belongs to Aaron Sorkin and his team.   
****RATING: PG  
****CATEGORY: Jed/Abbey  
****SPOILERS: Everything up to 17 People**

**AUTHOR'S THANKS: Once again, my strong willed "beta", Jo-Ellen, is on me…so here we go again!**

*****

**Part 1 - POV: Alternating: POTUS / LEO**

I never thought there would be a longer day than Election Day or Inauguration Day. Boy, was I wrong. 

God, I'm tired. I just want to sleep. I just want this day to be over. 

The only person I can talk to right now is You. No one else wants to hear what I have to say. Quite frankly, that pisses me off. Sorry, but it's true. 

I can't think of a way out. You have given me the gift of knowledge, dear God, and I am not able to use it anymore. I can't think straight. I don't know what to do. 

Why does it have to be this difficult? Why are You forcing me to make this choice? Give me strength, Lord, so that I can face the decision I've just made. It was the only way I could see myself through this nightmare. 

I've let so many people down. My wife, my best friend, the American people… 

But, most of all, myself. 

I thought I could do it all. I believed I could handle it on my own. I assumed that despite all the promises I made to You and my wife, that I would find a way to make it work. 

Well, we both know what happens when you assume… 

I've bitten off more than I can chew, and now I am humbled at my ignorance. 

The sky is starting to lighten—sunrise must be coming soon. Sunrise is my favorite time of day. I know that sounds funny coming from someone who is not a "morning person" at all, but I've always loved the sunrise. It's peaceful beauty…it's a symbol of the absolute potential of the day that lies ahead. 

It's as though you are giving each of us a new beginning. 

I need a new beginning. And, I've made a choice to do just that—have a new start. 

It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make—even more difficult than actually running for the Presidency. That decision wasn't too tough, because I had a roomful of people who supported me on my choice. 

This decision, on the other hand, won't win much applause, I'm afraid. As a matter of fact, I can just about guarantee that this information will make many of my friends into enemies. 

But, all that matters is that one person will be standing beside me—Abbey. 

Leo was flabbergasted at my decision. Who could blame him? It's not every day you hear the President of the United States announce his plan to resign his office. 

The poor man has had a rough day—just about as rough as mine. When I walked into his office, he was on his last straw. Upon opening the door, he screamed at me, "WHAT IS IT NOW?" Of course, I know he had no idea I was standing there. But, his outburst did not deter me from telling him my choice. 

I didn't give him much of a chance to react to my news. My announcement was simple. 

"Leo, I've made a decision. I'm resigning." 

He didn't move from his spot, but he stared at me, wide-eyed. "Jed? What?" I don't think that he could say much more than that. 

"You heard me, Leo. I'm resigning. Call C.J. and schedule a press conference for tomorrow night. I'm going to call Hoynes right now." I answered and walked back out the door. 

"Jed!" I heard him call out to me as I shut the door. I knew he wouldn't come running after me. Although it's Saturday, there are still quite a few people around the West Wing. 

I hated doing that to him, but if I didn't say it right then and there, I wouldn't have gone through with it. 

My phone call to Hoynes was vague, at best. I simply told him that I needed to meet with him at noon the next day. That's about 6 ½ hours from now. 

I never thought I'd be handing him the Presidency. Damn it, anyone but him.. 

Abbey doesn't even know, yet. I want her to be surprised. 

I know that this is the right choice…there was no other choice… 

"Jed?" 

I look over and see Leo standing in the "corridor" with me. 

"We need to talk, Jed. Right now." 

There was no other choice… 

*****

I've lost control of this whole damn thing! I want to know when I lost control of this damn administration. Oh, yeah. I think it was when I agreed to be Jed Bartlet's campaign manager and then his Chief of Staff. You'd think I'd be a smarter man than that…That's how I got into this mess. 

He's not going to like this conversation, but hell, God knows we've been down this road before. 

"We need to talk, Jed. Right now." 

He just stands there, staring up at the sky. I wait for a moment for a response. 

"Mr. President?" 

"Leo, look at that sky. Isn't that amazing? For a brief moment in time, it's like God is opening up the window and allowing us to gaze into heaven. You know, I love the sunrise. I really should make a point to get out and see it more often." 

"But, you're not a morning person, sir." 

"Yeah, I know. That's why I said I should make a point, not that I would make a point…" 

I need to get him on the topic, "Mr. President." 

"Leo, if you are here to discuss what I think you want to discuss, you can forget it. The discussion is over." 

"Pardon me, sir, but there was no discussion. You simply waltz into my office and announce that you are resigning. You expect me not to respond? To not want to talk about this?" 

He now looks at me, with all seriousness and says, "Leo, I did not "waltz" into your office. I can't remember the last time I waltzed anywhere." 

"Sir!" I blurt out in frustration. 

"Leo, it's done. I've made my decision." 

"So, you're just going to hand the whole thing over to Hoynes? Just like that?" 

"Yep." 

"That's what you want?" 

There's a slight hesitation now. "Yes." 

"Damn it, Jed! Listen to you! You are standing there and telling me that you are giving your dream to a man you don't even like—more importantly, one that you barely respect. How does it make sense?" 

"I don't expect you to understand." 

"Well, that's great, Mr. President, because I don't have a fucking clue right now! Why resign? Why not just decide to not run for re-election? That decision I would get. I wouldn't like it, but I would get it. But, resign? That's crazy!" 

"What do you think I should do, Leo? Once the MS gets out there, and it will because it has to, it's all over. I lied! The party will lambaste me; the American people will walk away…why the hell would I want to subject myself, my staff and my family to that?" 

"Oh, bullshit, Jed. It's not just that, it's Abbey, too." 

"So, what! Like she shouldn't be a reason?" 

"Of course she should, but these are things we've discussed before. We talked about this before the election, and at the time we made a choice to run anyway." 

"I made a commitment to Abbey." Jed says firmly. 

"Yes, sir. But, you also made a commitment to the people of this country. They voted for you.." 

"The majority of the people in this country did not vote…" 

"Oh, God, Jed…let's not debate semantics and numbers…you were elected by the people of the United States. They voted for you, not John Hoynes. You have no viable reason to step down. You are not sick.." 

"Excuse me?!" 

"You are not sick now, Jed. You're in remission. It was good enough back then, it should be good enough now. You are not being impeached…" 

"Not yet." 

"There is no reason whatsoever that you cannot carry out the duties of your job. Will Abbey be pissed if you stay and run? Yeah. Will she get over it? Yeah. I know Abbey. She loves you, Jed. Will the American people be pissed because you lied? Yeah. Will they turn away? Who knows? You won't give them the chance to make that choice." 

Jed is staring at me in silence now. 

"You know, maybe your job has got to you, Jed. Maybe it has worn you down. Because, the Jed Bartlet I have known for over 40 years is strong. He would never back down from a fight." 

"You're going to judge me now, Leo?" he asks bitterly. 

"No, sir, I am not judging you. I am simply commenting on the fact that I miss my friend. I miss my partner." 

We stand quietly there, just looking at one another. 

"Have you talked to Hoynes, yet?" I ask. 

"No. Well, I told him that I want to meet with him at noon. I'll tell him then." 

Ok, I'm trying to keep calm. 

"What about Abbey?" I continue. 

"No. I want this to be a surprise." 

"Oh, yeah, God knows we don't have enough of those to go around here." 

He's glaring at me once more. "Have you talked to C.J.?" 

"She's due to come in about 15 or 20 minutes from now." 

"Fine. When you're done talking to her, send her in to see me." 

"Yes, Mr. President." I pause for a moment. "Sir, you should get some rest." 

"Soon. Leo. I can rest soon." 

He walks back into the Oval Office and leaves me standing there. 

Now, I have no choice but to go in and wait for C.J. 

*****

**Part 2 - POV: Alternating: Leo McGarry and CJ**

"This had better be damned important, Leo." CJ Cregg growls at me as she storms into my office and slams the door. She isn't usually quite this surly with me, as she is a consummate professional. However, today was the first day she had off in quite some time—so the fact that I had called her at some ungodly hour on her day off was bound to make her at least mildly upset. I had anticipated some displeasure, but not quite like this. 

"Good morning, CJ." I reply. 

"Is it morning? I can't tell? It's still dark outside!" CJ belts out. 

"Oh, bullshit, CJ...I just watched the sunrise with the President, so don't give me that crap." 

She shuts right up with that remark. "You watched the sunrise with the President?" 

"Yeah." 

"What's going on, Leo?" she asks tensely. 

"C.J..." 

"The President is up watching the sunrise? That's news in and of itself—there's something going on. What is it?" 

I simply look at her and say nothing. I motion for her to sit down. She complies. 

I slowly take in a breath. I need to deal with this calmly. I haven't been doing that very well so far. "C.J., the President wants you to set up a press conference for this evening." 

"Leo, I'm assuming that since I didn't get a phone call in the dead of night, that there is no national or international threat or crisis going on." 

"It's nothing like that—so for once, your assumptions are not going to make an ass out of you or me." 

She just glares at me. She doesn't see the humor in my comment. Damn. I was hoping that a little humor could help me out here. 

There is a deafening silence in the room. C.J. is staring at me, practically right through me, actually. 

"This is about the President's health, isn't it, Leo?" 

Hello? What the hell is this? 

"What do you know about the President's health, C.J.?" I ask with as much composure as I can manage for someone who has been through hell and back in less than 24 hours. 

"How sick is he?" she asks, ignoring my question. 

I cannot even respond at this point. How the hell does she know anything? I'm sure that Jed didn't tell her—he would have told me that he told her, right???? Oh, hell, who knows what he would do anymore? 

"It's not what you think, C.J." 

"Leo, I see things. I hear things. I've known for quite some time that he's sick. I need to know how sick he is," she says desperately. 

"How long have you known that he's been sick?" I ask her. 

"Christ, Leo. What the hell difference does it make?!" 

"I'm asking you, C.J.!!!" 

"Since the election I had a suspicion that something was wrong. He got tired easily there for a while. Abbey hovered over him like a mother hen—she was in doctor mode, not wife mode. I figured if it was a big deal, I would be told eventually. I kept waiting to hear about it, but never did. So, I convinced myself that it wasn't a big deal, even though…" 

"Even though you knew that it was a big deal," I finish for her. 

"Yeah," she confirms. 

I sigh. 

"So, what is it, Leo?" 

"He has MS, C.J." 

She slumps a little in her seat and sits there in stunned silence for a moment. Then, she sits up suddenly, all business. "All right." 

She looks at me in a little bit of a panic—but she's doing her best to hold it together. 

"All right," she repeats. 

"You o.k.?" 

"Is he ok?" she asks. 

"He's fine. More than likely, he'll continue to be fine." I try to assure her. Is my lack of confidence showing through? 

"So, that 'flu' last year right before the State of the Union…" 

"Wasn't the flu. It was an episode—a relapse, if you will." 

She just nods her head. 

"O.k. So, this press conference is about the MS?" 

"Well…" 

"Because this is going to be a huge blow, Leo. There's going to be hearings, grand juries…You must know that." 

"Yeah." 

"And, what about re-election?" Now she's on a roll. The questions are coming fast and furious. "How is this going to affect that? We need a strategy. We need one before he goes to the press. Maybe we can.." 

"C.J….the President already has a strategy about that!" I interrupt her. 

"Oh. So, what is going to say? Is he going to run?" 

"This is bigger than that." I tell her. My headache won't go away. I close my eyes in preparation for the news I'm about to break. 

"Bigger than MS? Bigger than re-election? What the hell could be bigger than that, Leo!?!" 

I don't even open my eyes. I don't want to see this. 

"C.J., the President is going to resign." 

I expected to hear things crashing around me. All I hear is deafening silence. I open my eyes to see C.J. sitting across from me, staring blankly. A tear starts to fall from her eye. She stands up quietly, turns her back to me and walks out of the room. 

Now it begins…. 

*****

I couldn't stay there. I couldn't let Leo see me like this. I do my best to no lose it—and I'll admit that I haven't been too successful at that in the past. I have been known to pitch a fit in the middle of the West Wing offices—yelling, screaming, you name it. I do my best to fit into this "politically correct" world, but I have some less than stellar moments. I confess that there are days that I'm shocked to come into my office and not see my crap thrown out onto the street. I have let Leo down. I have let the President down. This is no secret to anyone here, especially me. But, I do my best. I guess that's why I'm still here—because I have those other moments that are pretty damn good, too. 

Therefore, it was a no-brainer that when Leo dumped the load he just did, I had to get up and leave. There was no way that I was going to be able to maintain any sense of reason or composure. I just didn't want to do it in front of him. 

I think that Sunday is the only day that my office can actually be somewhat of a sanctuary. The Press Secretary is the one person who tends to be the whipping boy (well, woman) when things hit the fan around here—and of course, that is just about every day on some level. 

I don't think there's a fan big enough to take the load that is about to come down on me. 

During the election, it wasn't my place to ask what was wrong with the then-Governor of New Hampshire. O.k., let's be honest. I thought that the less I actually knew the better. That way, I would not have to cover anything up deliberately. 

But, isn't not asking when you know something's wrong the same as lying? I'm sure a grand jury will be deliberating that very question. Yeah, I know. We have this "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in this country. What a load of crap! I KNEW something was up—I should have pursued it. Every journalistic red flag was whipping around in my head. But, I buried my head in the sand, hoping that it wouldn't come back and bite us in the ass. 

Well, right at this moment, I'm feeling a big chunk missing out of my behind. 

Maybe I could have prevented this. We could have headed it off during the Primaries. Hell, Clinton beat an affair—twice! We could have beaten this—if given the chance. 

I believe that I know Josiah Bartlet well enough to know that some illness, MS or otherwise wouldn't make him walk away from his office. So, either he's very ill and Leo isn't telling me… 

Or there's more to this story than the health issue. 

And you can be damn sure that I'm not putting together any news conference until I find out!

*****

**Part 3 - POV: Alternating: CJ / FLOTUS**

Son of a bitch! I need answers and I need them quickly. I'm not going to be able to stall on this for very long. Once the President makes up his mind about something, good luck in trying to change it. 

Where the hell is my notepad! You'd think that I could find a single piece of blank paper in this dump! My office seems more like recycling plant than where I work. I walk in and drop the stacks wherever I find space most days. This is pathetic! The Press Secretary can't find a pencil and paper! 

Ooh! I think I've found…damn it! It's Toby's crap! I'm gonna need to start charging him rental fees for using my office as a dumping ground, too. Well, I'm about to file Toby's junk in the hallway—I've got a pretty good arm for a girl. 

"Ow! Jesus, C.J! I didn't see the sign outside that said, 'Enter and Duck'!" Leo shouts. I hit him with Toby's notepad as I launch it out the office door. 

"Leo, sorry." I am unmoved. I keep looking. 

"What are you doing?" he asks hesitantly. 

"Looking for a damn piece of paper." 

"O.k." 

He stands there for a minute and allows me to continue on my quest for the 'Holy Grail'. 

"CJ?" Leo says, almost in a whisper. 

"Yeah?" I'm still looking for the paper. 

"Are you all right?" He won't give up until he sees me cry. He's gonna have to wait a long time. 

"Sure." Finally, at the bottom of the pile. "Aha! There's one!" I pull the two stray pieces of blank paper from the tower of mess. 

"It's just that…" 

"What, Leo? You want me to lose it? You wanna see me go ballistic? Is that it?" I reply. 

"No, but.." 

"Well, forget it. I've got too much work to do to deal with this now, ok?" 

"Ok," he answers. 

I open my desk drawer to find a pencil. Miraculously, I find one immediately. 

"I called Toby to come in and give us a hand." Leo says. 

"Toby? Are you going to tell him about all of this?" 

Leo looks pained for a moment. "He already knows about the MS, CJ." 

This stops me in my tracks. "How?" I ask. 

"I told him the other day." 

"Oh." I respond. That explains Toby's attitude over the past few days—more hostility than usual, and believe me, that's not a good thing. 

"I had to tell him, CJ. I needed him to be able to think clearly before we started dealing with this. I knew he would take it hard. I knew he would need a few days." 

"Yeah." 

"I just didn't think we'd be dealing with this. I knew the MS would eventually come out and that we'd have to discuss it with regards to re-election. But, resigning…" 

"Yeah." I repeat. 

"We need Toby and Josh in on this. They'll be here shortly. I'll deal with them." 

"Fine." I grab my paper and pencil and head toward my office door. 

"Where are you going now?" 

"To work, Leo. Where else?" I say, walking past him and out the door. 

I make my way up to the residence. I haven't seen Abigail Bartlet for quite some time. She's been out of town for a while and I need to get some answers from her. She's always been up front with me. I'm lucky enough to be considered one of her closest friends, although for as much as we see each other, you wouldn't think that. She's got a hell of a personality and the brain to match it. She's a damn fine First Lady. I know that if I talk to her, she'll give it to me straight. 

I hate to wake her, but I anticipate she's been up for a while now. 

When I knock on the bedroom door, I hear her call out to come in. 

I open the door and go in, but the First Lady is not there. She must be in the bathroom. A second later, I hear her as she enters back into the room. She's rubbing a towel over her head, drying her hair. 

"Jed?" 

"No, ma'am. It's CJ." 

The towel comes up from over her head. "CJ? Oh, I was hoping it was Jed." 

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Bartlet. I can come back." I say, heading back for the door. 

"No, no. It's all right. Have you seen the President?" 

"No, ma'am, not yet." 

"Hmm. He didn't come to bed last night." 

"That doesn't surprise me." 

Now, Abigail puts down the towel and looks at me. "It doesn't." 

"No, I'm sure he's had a hard night." 

"How do you know that, CJ?" she asks, warily. 

"Mrs. Bartlet, with all due respect…I know about the President's illness." 

She takes in a sharp breath. "You do?" 

"I've known something was wrong for a long time. I just didn't want to come out and ask you or the President." 

"Oh." 

"How you tell people is your business not mine. I'm sure that's how the President decided that now is the right time for this press conference. Although, I don't agree with his what he's going to say." 

"Press Conference? What press conference?" 

"The one he wants for tonight." Why is she asking me these questions? 

"CJ, what is this press conference about?" 

Now, I'm totally confused. "Um, Abbey, it's for President Bartlet to make his announcement." 

She is standing there in silence. She looks as confused as I feel right now. 

"Abbey?" 

"Yeah?" 

Oh my God. It can't be! 

"You do know that the President is announcing his resignation at this press conference?" I ask incredulously. 

I almost had to catch her when she heard that question. 

*****

The last thing I clearly recall was CJ asking me if I knew about what Jed was announcing at the press conference tonight. After that, everything became a blur. The room began to spin and I needed to find a place to sit down. Fortunately, CJ was there to help me out. 

Resignation? What the hell is she talking about? 

"CJ? What are you talking about?" 

"Mrs. Bartlet? Why don't you know what I'm talking about?" 

We're both sitting here, just staring at each other in amazement. 

"I had no idea." I say, very slowly. 

"I had no idea you didn't know." CJ says, putting her hand in mine. I'm glad she's here right now. 

"Jed is resigning?" 

"Apparently so." 

"Wow." I say. I can't think of anything else. 

"That wasn't my reaction, but…" 

My head is reeling. "I wasn't expecting this." I think to myself. 

"What were you expecting, Abbey?" CJ asks, sounding confused again. 

I guess I wasn't thinking to myself. I must have been thinking aloud. 

I take a moment to collect my thoughts. "CJ, Jed and I made a deal back during the election that he would only run for one term." 

CJ's eyes grow wide. "Oh," she says. 

"And when I heard Jed's last State of the Union address, I knew he was in re-election mode and I couldn't bare the thought of losing him for another four years—especially with the potential of the disease and…" my voice starts to break. 

"Abbey…" CJ starts. 

I stand up and move away toward the bedroom window. "I had to get away. That's why I was gone for so long. I needed some space and time to think. I came back ready to fight for my husband. I had to convince him that he had to keep his word. But he's stubborn. Changing his mind is not easy." 

She smiled sympathetically. CJ knows this as much as I do. 

"We both feel strongly about things. So, the discussion got intense quickly and the next thing I knew…I had no idea it would come to this!" Damn, the tears are starting again. 

"The next thing you knew?" CJ asked. 

"I said that if he broke his promise to me, I'd consider it to be the biggest violation of trust and I wasn't sure if I could live with him anymore." 

CJ simply sat there, stunned at my admission. 

"CJ, this wasn't my plan!" 

She ran her hands through her hair and looked upward. She exhaled loudly, as though she had been holding her breath. 

"Well, ma'am, to use your husband's expression: what's next?"

*****

**Part 4 - POV: Alternating: Leo McGarry and CJ**

"Leo, you can't be serious." Josh says to me. He's in full-blown crisis mode right now. He's pacing all over the place. I need to pull him back down to Earth a bit. 

"Josh, I understand that you think better on your feet, but could you please just.." 

"Sit down." Toby says through gritted teeth. 

Well, this meeting has started out on the right note. 

"I think better this way." Josh retorts. 

"Probably because you aren't sitting on your brains." Toby says evenly. 

"Boys!" I interrupt. "If you want to go out to the playground to beat the crap out of each other, go for it. Otherwise, we're here to work, and we need all of our focus on this—or isn't this enough to challenge your 'highly superior minds'?" 

Toby chuckles sardonically, as only he can. "Well, forgive us, Leo, you've just told us that the President is in the process of stepping down from office. Between that news and the MS, you haven't exactly been the bearer of great tidings this week, so cut us some slack as we try to deal with this, OK?" Toby snaps. 

"Resign? Are you SURE he said, resign?" Josh asks. 

"Yeah." I answer. 

"What the hell is going on, Leo? He can't just quit." Josh adds. 

"He's the President of the United States, Josh. He can do pretty much whatever the hell he feels like." 

Toby sighs. "He lied, Josh. He's in shit waist deep right now. When this goes public, it's going to make all of our other crap look like a walk in the park." 

Josh stops his pacing at this remark. "Are you saying he's running away from a fight?" 

Toby looks over at me for the answer to that question. I wish it were that simple. 

"Leo?" Josh turns to me, also in search for the truth—whatever the hell that is. 

I say nothing in reply, because I can't. It's just not that simple. 

"What the hell happened to 'Let Bartlet Be Bartlet'!" Josh fumed. "The President has never backed down from a fight before. He lives for these things. He's just going to give up?" 

"Josh.." 

"Leo, I have a right to know this. We all do. Is he that sick?" 

"He's not sick, Josh. That has nothing to do with it." 

"Well, what then?!" 

"It's the President's decision, Josh." I answer. "We can't make it for him. I'm not inside his head, so I can't tell you what led him to this decision." Liar…. 

"Bullshit." Toby fires at me. "You are in the President's mind every day—which I thank God each day that you have that job and not me—you are his right hand and practically half of his brain to go along with it." 

"Watch what you say, Toby!" I warn. 

"Oh, please, Leo! I mean no disrespect. But for you to sit there and tell us that you don't know what drove an otherwise healthy and successful President to decide pick up his jacks and go home is a bold-faced lie. We've had enough lies, Leo! We just want the facts so we know what the hell we're dealing with here. You want us to solve the problem? Then stop being so fucking ambiguous!" 

He's right and I hate to hell when he's right. 

"O.K. Toby. This is what I know, for whatever it's worth…." 

*****

I was expecting answers from my conversation with Abbey, not more questions. How the hell was I supposed to figure out that she was out of the loop? The First Lady is NEVER out of the loop—so, of course I was shocked to discover that she didn't even know about the President's pending announcement. 

I'm more confused now that I was earlier and I didn't even think that was possible. 

I'm hoping that Leo can get me in to see the President. I'm not sure what I'm going to say to President Bartlet, but there's no way I can deal with this and avoid him. 

Leo had better be in his office. 

Well, Leo is here and I see that the latest meeting of the "Big Bad Boys Club" is in session—Leo, Josh and Toby. What a team. Three of the most brilliant political minds in the nation, hell maybe even the world. Put them together and you can almost see the resemblance to the Three Stooges. You know how they slap each other around? 

I've just about seen that happen right here in the West Wing. 

"Hey, guys." I say, announcing my presence. Of course, they didn't notice that I even walked into the room until I said anything. 

"CJ, glad you're here." Leo says. 

"Ok, hold on a sec" I say. I need to grab my date book. 

"What are you doing?" Toby asked in his typical aloof tone. 

"I'm marking this day in my book. I don't hear 'CJ, glad you're here' very often in this place." I reply as I make at note in the appropriate box. 

Larry , Moe and Curly can just sit there and wait. 

"Are you done?" Leo asks after a moment. 

"Yep. Whatta ya got?" I respond. 

"Well, we've got a President on the verge of resigning—so, you know, overall things are pretty boring around here, as usual." Toby says sarcastically. 

"Thanks for the update, Toby." I shoot back. "Leo?" 

He's just sitting and shaking his head at this point. "Yeah?" 

"I need to see the President." 

"Damn! Yeah! I told him that I would send you in as soon as you got here." 

"LEO!" 

"I'm sorry, CJ. I've been a little preoccupied here." 

I'm out the door before he can say anything else and I'm on my way to the Oval Office. 

Walking in the foyer outside of the office, I see Charlie sitting at his desk. I guess he was called in, too. What a Sunday this is turning out to be. 

"Hey Charlie." 

"Hey CJ" 

"Is he in there?" 

"Yeah. He's been waiting." 

Oh, God. Not that...I've kept him waiting. I'm doomed. 

I walk into the office and find the President standing in front of the door leading to the outside. He's just standing there. This can't be good. 

"Mr. President?" 

"CJ? Hi." he says quietly. 

"Sir, I'm so sorry to keep you waiting, it's just that Leo didn't tell me that you wanted to see me and.." 

"CJ.." he gently interrupts, "It's alright. Don't worry about it. Have a seat." He motions for me to sit, which I do. He walks over and joins me. 

He looks so...I don't know...is it tired? Stressed? Ready to chuck it all? Well, it's probably all of the above. 

"Thank you for coming in on your day off." 

"That's ok, sir." 

We're sitting together in the Oval Office in silence. I feel awkward. I'm not usually at a loss for words, but this has got me stumped. 

Finally, I manage to get out, "Sir?" 

"Yeah?" he says from some distant place in that amazing mind of his. 

"Sir, are you ok?" 

"You know about the MS?" It's not really a question, though. 

"Yes, sir." 

He nods his head. "Well, don't worry, CJ. I'm feeling fine." 

"Now, this press conference tonight, CJ…" 

"Mr. President, if I may say something?" Oh God, I think I'm going to throw up. 

"Of course." 

"I think that you need some time to consider this more carefully." Wow, that sounded almost confident. 

"You don't think that I have?" 

"No, sir. I don't." 

"Well, I hate to say it CJ, but you're wrong." 

"Mr. President…" 

"CJ, I appreciate what you are trying to say, but…" 

"And exactly what am I trying to say, sir? Because I have no idea of what I'm saying." I'm edgy right now. I'd better be careful with my tone of voice and remember to whom I am speaking. 

"CJ, I can't possibly give you the answers to the questions you have," the President says. 

"I don't believe I asked you…" 

"But you were going to," he interjects. 

I'm about to lose it. I can feel it, and there's no stopping it. "Well, there's a shocker, sir. Because all of the questions I have are the same questions the roomful of reporters will have. What do you expect? That the press corps is going to just sit and listen as you announce your resignation? They aren't going to ask questions? They are going to bombard you, sir! They are going to bombard me! So, do you really want this press conference or not? Because if you do, I need some answers Mr. President and I need them now!" For a moment, there's an echo as my voice fills the room. 

Did I just yell at the President of the United States? 

Yeah, I think I can hear my crap being thrown out of my office right now…

*****

**Part 5 - POV: POTUS**

I keep forgetting how determined CJ is. Oh, hell, she's not determined, she's stubborn—a quality that is required to work on my team, it seems. And while I could easily be irritated at her attitude toward me right now, I'm sitting her admiring her passion. That's what makes her the best Press Secretary any president could ask for. 

She's not going to back down. On an ordinary day, I wouldn't mind butting heads with CJ Cregg—as a matter of fact, it would be rather fun. But, not today. 

"Are you finished, CJ?" I ask, trying to mask the fact that I am impressed with her outburst. 

"Yes, sir," she replies, averting her eyes from mine. 

I let her stand there for a moment to collect her thoughts. She's pretty upset, but she'll never let you see it, if she can avoid it. 

"Mr. President, I apologize for…" 

"Don't." I reply. "You have a right to be upset. You're not alone in your anger toward me. I seem to have a talent for that lately." 

"I'm not angry at you, sir. I'm confused. I don't understand how you could even consider this. I'm frustrated that you are going to walk away from something that I know means everything to you. Something that you do better than just about anything else." 

"I don't think you realize how bad this is going to be—the MS…" 

"I do know how bad this is going to be—I know more than anyone." 

And she does. She's gonna take a lot of hits on this. The press is going to be all over her: "CJ, how long have you known about the President's condition? Did you cover up for him during the election? When are you appearing before the grand jury?" 

"Right." I answer. 

She sighs. "Sir, I am asking you to take some time right now and seriously consider the impact of what this statement will have." 

I admire her tenacity, but this is getting old now. "CJ…" 

"Please, Mr. President, I do not think you are in the proper state of mind to deal with making a decision such as this!" she blurts out. 

Well, that IS a stunner there. 

"What are you implying, Claudia Jean?" I ask calmly. 

She swallows hard. "All I am saying, sir, is that you are upset now—for good reason—and I think you know better than to make decisions when you are not thinking clearly." 

She knows something. 

"CJ, what has Leo told you already?" 

"Leo told me that you want to resign." 

"That's all?" 

"That's it. He talked to me briefly on the phone and I've barely seen him since I got here" 

She knows something. Now it's my turn to get some answers. But, CJ is about as easy to crack as I am sometimes. I need to consider my options here. Who else would talk to CJ? It wasn't me and it wasn't Leo—and until just a little bit ago, no one else knew what has been going on. 

Except for one person: Abbey. 

"CJ? I am going to ask you a question and I expect you to be honest with me." I'm sounding more like her father everyday. I think of CJ as a daughter, so I guess that makes it ok. 

For CJ, though, it's not ok. "Sir, may I remind you that I already have a father?" 

I'm going to ignore that question and continue with my own. "Have you spoken with my wife today?" 

CJ doesn't answer me. She'll never rat on my wife. "Protect the Sisterhood" I think I've heard her say—or something like it. 

"Your silence…" I start. 

"My silence says nothing, sir. My silence is silent. So, it cannot possibly say a thing," she interrupts—looking half panicked and half amused. 

"CJ, stick around a while, will you? I have something I need to do." 

"Well, I don't think I'm going anywhere soon, Mr. President." 

"Tell Leo I need to see him in about a half an hour, would you?" I ask, standing. 

She rises in turn. "Of course, sir." 

"Thanks, CJ. I'll come find you later on." 

"Thank you, sir," she says and walks out of the office. I follow her out and thankfully, Charlie is right there. 

"Is there something you need, sir?" he asks. 

"Yes, Charlie. I need you to get my wife down here a.s.a.p." 

Oh, she'll love this. Being summoned is her favorite thing—next to being lied to…. 

In less than 5 minutes, I hear the door open and slam. Only one person can make a sound like that. 

"Hello, Abbey." 

"You don't bother to come to bed. You don't bother to come look for me. You send Charlie to get me?" 

I told you she'd love it. 

"So now you want to talk?" she asks. 

"How are you?" I ask. I'll be damned if we're going to take whacks at each other again. 

"You sent for me, what is it you want?" She's pissed. You know, I'd really like a normal conversation. 

"Abbey, I'm trying to have a civil discussion…" 

"Forget the civil discussion!" she rails. 

I need combat pay. I need to remember to talk to Leo about that the next time I see him. 

"DAMN IT, ABIGAIL. ARE YOU GOING TO LET ME GET IN TWO WORDS BEFORE YOU GRILL ME OR DO YOU SIMPLY WANT ME TO GET A SILVER PLATTER SO YOU CAN SERVE MY ASS UP RIGHT NOW?" 

She wants it like this, so be it. 

For the first time in a long time, all she can do is stand there. 

"Abbey," I say now, almost in a whisper. "Jesus, Abbey what's happening to us?" 

"I don't know, Jed." 

Two firsts in a single day: I manage to silence my wife and she admits that she doesn't know something. You'd think I'd be ecstatic about this turn of events. Well, I'm not. And, I have a feeling that things are going to get worse before they get better.

*****

**Part 6 - Alternating POV: LEO / ABBEY / POTUS**

Oh shit. I heard that from my office, and the doors are shut. This is not a good thing to hear from the Oval Office. The four of us have to stop our conversation because we hear the President screaming at the top of his lungs at his wife. Now, I didn't catch the exact phrasing, but it was something about serving his ass up on a silver platter. 

The man must be crazy. I can't remember the last time he talked to Abbey like that. He may not have to worry about resigning: he may not survive the day. 

I get up and quietly remove myself from my meeting with Josh, Toby and CJ and make my way through the connecting hallway. 

Upon opening the door, I see the two of them standing in the center of the Oval Office. They are saying nothing, but their eyes are speaking volumes: age, frustration, love, passion… 

"Uh, is everything ok here?" I ask as I close the connecting door to our offices. Absolutely asinine, but it's the only thing I could think of. I thought, "Ok, you two, into your neutral corners" would be a little out of line. 

"Fine," Abbey says evenly and quietly 

"Fine," the President echoes. 

"Really? Well then I guess the shouting I heard was an indication that everything is 'fine'." I respond. I usually try to keep my sarcasm in check when I'm speaking with the First Couple, however… 

"Leo, maybe you can talk to my wife, because it appears as though we are no longer able to communicate," he says and storms out of the office. 

I stand there and look at Abbey. Her face is red and her eyes are swollen. She's been crying, a lot. 

"Abbey?" 

"Leo, your boss is the most tiresome, arrogant, stubborn jackass…" 

"Yes, ma'am." 

For the first time in a while, I notice a slight smile. 

"But, for the record, there's a reason why the two of you have been married for so long." I say, and return her smile. 

"Are you saying that I'm a tiresome, arrogant, stubborn jackass, Mr. McGarry?" 

"Yes, ma'am." I reply. 

She starts to laugh…and then to cry. 

"Leo, I was so afraid of losing him to the MS down the road that I haven't been paying attention to the possibility of losing him sooner…" 

She hit the nail right on the head. Maybe now we can get somewhere…But, it may be too little, too late… 

*****

I'm not going to win this one. That's a hard pill for me to swallow. There's an old saying that doctors are the worst patients. Nothing is farther from the truth. 

I can't keep crying like this. 

"Leo, he's going to resign?" 

"Yeah," Leo responds in a grim tone. 

"Has he talked to Hoynes, yet?" 

"No, but he's got a meeting scheduled with him in about 45 minutes." 

"Well, you need to talk to him before that, Leo!" I insist. 

"Me? What I say has little impact on this, ma'am." 

"Oh, get off it, Leo. You're his Chief of Staff. Your word is right up there next to God's. It certainly supercedes my word." I spit at him. 

He winces almost imperceptibly—but I notice it. 

"Abbey, that isn't fair," he replies. 

"Leo, I'm sorry…" 

"Maybe if the two of you would just keep quiet and listen while the other talks and not focus so much on who's right and who's wrong.." he starts to fade out a bit. 

I want to respond, but I hesitate. 

"In this case, you're both right and you're both wrong," he says. 

"That's not possible." I state. 

"In this administration, I think we've shown that anything is possible." 

He starts for the door back to his office. 

"I have a meeting to get back to, ma'am. There's not much time between now and the press conference. I need to get Sam in here to help Toby with the drafting of the statement." 

I can't think of a single damn thing to say. 

He turns back to face right before he goes through the connecting corridor. "You know, I miss the Bartlet team. That's what really made this whole thing work, through all the political crap and personal crises. Jed and Abbey is what made it work. That's what kept us going through it all." He doesn't wait for a response. He walks through the door and shuts it quietly behind him. 

I exit through the door that leads back out through the West Wing. Charlie is still at his desk. He rises out, as always, out of respect. 

"It's ok, Charlie" I say softly. "Take a set." 

He sits back down. 

"Do you know.." I ask him. 

But Charlie is one step ahead of me… 

"The last I knew, the President was getting ready to meet with Vice President Hoynes. He was taking a quick walk through the residence. His meeting is in a little bit in the Vice President's office." 

"Ok, Charlie, thanks." 

"Ma'am?" 

"Yes, Charlie?" 

"I know I haven't had the chance to tell you 'Welcome Home'." 

"Thank you, Charlie." I say as I head off to find my husband. 

I hope I can find him before he gets to Hoynes… 

*****

As always, John Hoynes is punctual and professional. Actually, since we're meeting his office, I'm the one who's on time. Early, actually. 

We shake hands firmly. I can tell by looking in his eyes that he has no clue as to what is going on. But, I can bet you that I know what he's hoping for. And now, he's about to get his fondest wish. 

He never wanted to play second fiddle to me. He sucked it up, though, with the hopes that if he could just hold on long enough, he would get the brass ring. 

Well, I'm about to hand him the grand prize. 

This is my decision, this is what I want—so why do I feel like I'm giving my soul to the devil. 

There's never been any love lost between myself and Hoynes—and neither one of us has tried to fake it, except in the media. Even then, it's not very convincing. 

"Mr. President, it's good to see you, sir." Hoynes begins. 

What a load of shit. 

"John, please take a seat." 

He sits down behind his desk and I sit in the chair immediately in front of it. Wow, is this ironic, or what? 

"I understand that you've been doing some polling." 

He tries to come across as confident and non-defensive, but the subtle squirming in his chair gives him away. 

"Yes, sir. Toby tell you that?" he says with a smirk. 

Bastard. He's trying to egg me on. I won't give him that satisfaction. 

"New Hampshire, John? A little obvious, isn't it?" 

"I don't know what you mean, sir." 

I smile at his arrogance. Ok, so that's one quality we have in common. 

"Well, I have some news for you, John, that you may find interesting." I say, stonefaced. 

His right eyebrow raises—I've piqued his interest. 

At that moment, the door swings open. 

Once more, I see Abigail before me. 

Her timing, as always, is unbelievable. 

*****

**Part 7 - Alternating POV: POTUS / FLOTUS / LEO**

Abbey is standing at the door, looking a little flustered. 

"Jed!" she calls out, almost in desperation. This catches me off guard. 

John Hoynes is startled as well, but he manages to rise at the sight of the First Lady. "Mrs. Bartlet? What a pleasant surprise!" he says, almost too sweetly. 

Watch how you talk to my wife, you son of a bitch. 

"Jed, may I speak to you for a moment?" Abbey asks breathlessly. 

I stand and move toward her. I lean in to whisper in her ear, "I can't talk to you now, Abbey. I'm in the middle of something important." 

"Do you think that I would interrupt you if it wasn't as important?" she whispers back. Her tone is intense and practically pleading. 

"John, give us just a moment, would you?" I say to my Vice President. He nods in agreement. Like he has any choice.... 

I move Abbey out into the hall. "Abbey, if you are looking to continue the shredding, it can wait until this is done." 

Abbey pulls herself up straighter and takes a breath. "Listen, you stubborn jackass, I'm here to save your life!" 

"Is there an assassination plot against me that I'm unaware of, Abigail?" Yeah, I'm being sarcastic with her. I'm mad as hell at her. 

"Not yet, Jed. But don't tempt me," she warns. 

"Abbey, if you don't mind, I need to finish this meeting. The less time I have to spend with John Hoynes, the better." I start to head back into the room. The next thing I know, she grabs my arm and spins me back around. 

"Don't do this, Jed! Good God, haven't we made enough mistakes already?" 

"This is what you wanted, Abbey. I'm giving you what you want!" My temper is starting to rise again. Christ, no matter what I do, I can't win. "This still isn't enough for you? What more can I give? Ok, how about this? You win, Abbey. All right? You win. Maybe now you can stand by me. Maybe now you can 'live with me'." 

I don't want to face her anymore right now. I turn my back to her, and shut the door on her. 

"Mr. President is everything all right?" John asks me. 

"Yes, John. Please, let's continue." 

We both take a seat once more. 

"You were about to tell me some news that I might find interesting," he picks right up from where we left off. 

I'm sitting here, trying to form the words to tell him. I'm giving it up, you smug pompous ass. I'm giving the Presidency to you. 

But, I can't do it. Not like that... 

"John, I need you at a press conference later on this evening," is all I can get out. 

"What about, sir?" In other words, 'what's in it for me?' 

"I'm making a major announcement and it pertains to you, and I need you there, ok?" I say snidely. 

"Is the MS secret finally going to be let out of the bag?" Ah, the shark smells blood. 

"Just be in the East Room at 8pm, John." I order. 

"Of course, Mr. President." he agrees. Oh, how I would love to wipe that smug grin off of his face. 

But, unfortunately, the Secret Service wouldn't appreciate it. Well, maybe they would, but they would have to pretend they wouldn't... 

In the meantime, I'm getting the hell out of here and back to my office. CJ will be waiting to speak with me.

*****

I was too late. He was too pigheaded to listen...either way, it's over. He's told John Hoynes that he's going to resign. 

How did it come to this? I went from not wanting him to run to now wishing I had never brought up that damn deal we made. 

Deep inside, I knew (even back then) that he would never keep that promise. How could he? How could I have expected him to? 

I just wanted what was best for him. For us. 

How was I supposed to know that I was fighting against us instead of for us? 

"You win, Abbey. All right? You win." I can still hear those words echo in my mind. 

Maybe I did win. But, it was the wrong battle. 

"Maybe now you can stand by me. Maybe now you can 'live with me' " The words are just hanging there. I'm putting my hands over my ears to try to drown out the sound. 

He shut the door on me. He's never done that before. 

I'm ready to stand by him. But, I'm not sure I can live with him. Why? Because I don't think he'll be able to live with himself after this. And, I won't be able to live with the guilt I have because of it. 

Most battles aren't worth the personal losses—my husband can quote chapter and verse from history of the senselessness of war. The ideals may seem lofty, but what is the real price we pay in battle? 

What are the casualties of this epic battle? The Bartlet Presidency, for sure. 

And, my marriage too, it seems. 

I had better go find Leo and tell him it's all over... 

*****

All is quiet in the White House right now. My senior staff is hunkered down in Toby's office, planning and drafting the President's statement for the press conference tonight. CJ is meeting with the President at this very moment. She is prepping him for the onslaught that is to come. 

Abigail just left my office. There are no more tears, she said. She has no more to give. The tremble in her voice tells me of the incredible pain she's in, though. 

She broke the news to me that my best friend is, indeed, walking away from his dream. 

She said, "The nation is about to lose a fine leader. And, I'm about to lose a fine husband." 

She said little else, except that she apologized for all the pain. She left right after that. 

All is too quiet in this White House right now. 

I stand up and make my way, quietly, through the connected hallway to his office. Once more, I quietly open the door and peek in. The President and CJ are hard at work. Their expressions: intense. 

As I look at Jed Bartlet, images of my best friend flood my mind. 

I see a husband and a father. 

I see a governor of a small New England state begrudgingly taking his best friend's word that he would make a great President. 

I see him in Illinois, finally believing that to be true. 

I see our hard fought campaign and victory. 

I see him taking the oath, standing proud and anxious to get to work. 

I see him moving roomfuls of people to stand, cheer and cry. 

I see his confidence in his abilities. 

I see his lack of confidence in his abilities. 

I see the pride in his work, his staff and his nation. 

I see his tears at the loss of those who gave their lives for this country—the sailors on that tender in the Atlantic Ocean, the men in Columbia... 

I see a man fighting the disease that threatens to take him from us. 

I see a man who never usually gives up a good fight... 

I see that man preparing to do just that... 

"Leo! Are you spying on me again?!" The President says. 

Damn! Caught again! 

"No, sir. I was just checking in to see how things were going." 

"Fine, Leo." he replies. 

I look at CJ for confirmation. She quietly nods. 

I shut the door and move back into my office. 

I sit at my desk. 

"Margaret!" 

She immediately pops her head in the door. 

"How did you know I was here?" 

"I always know when you're here, Margaret. You're always here when I need you." 

She smiles at me. 

"Margaret, I need the phone number of Jack Thompson." 

"Jack Thompson?" 

"Yeah, can you get it for me right away?" 

"Of course, but who is that?" 

"My AA sponsor." 

There is a tense silence between the two of us before she takes off quickly to get me the number I need. 

*****

**THE END **


End file.
